My little bud, my sweet Noah

(I wrote the following for my nephew's 3rd birthday.)

To Noah
Love Aunt "Maui"
May 18, 2007

I will hold you close
if only for a moment
for a moment is all I have
to adore you from head to toes.

I will hold you in my heart
every minute of every day.
But the love I have for you
my heart it can't contain.

I didn't know
I could have such love
But you have stolen my heart,
a true blessing from above.

The pain I feel to see you leave
is couple with the joy I have
when I hear you say,
"Maui, come play with me."

Who knew a little boy
could have such power
to consume my heart
every minute of every hour.

Who knew you could bring such love
with your tiny hand
and dimpled cheeks
My little bud, my sweet Noah.

Tuesdays

(I wrote this earlier this year after hearing that I would only be able to see my nephew on Tuesdays.)

Tuesdays
3/18/07

Tuesday, not just any day.

In a moment, everything changed. On a day like any other, my world flipped upside down. Time I took for granted suddenly became very precious.

Tuesdays. Fleeting moments on Tuesdays.

I will treasure those hours. Hours to be with the little boy I love so dearly. The little boy who changed my world and filled me with a love I didn't know I could have.

A New World

I wrote the following in memory of my grandma. I will miss her incredibly...


I Saw a Butterfly

I saw a butterfly be born today. As a caterpillar, it roamed around freely exploring the earth and eating up everything good in its path. Of course, the path was not always easy, and unexpected dangers frequently came into view... until one day, it needed a rest. It nestled itself inside a cocoon and slowly the old caterpillar felt itself dying. The body that had served it so well was now of no use. But a new life was growing inside. And suddenly it broke free. The caterpillar was gone, and a beautiful butterfly had appeared. It spread its wings and flew away to explore a new world.

And so it is with us as well. We live and explore this world full of sunshine and rain... until one day when our bodies are weak and our souls need a rest, God wraps us in His arms, and suddenly a glorious new life emerges. No longer bound to this earth, we are free to live again and explore a new world in the presence of God.

A Different View

Life must look so different
from another person's eyes.
Our lives are all so different
Yet so very much the same.
Joys and sorrows.
Tears and laughter.
For we all live in a fallen world
A world that is broken
Yet forever being healed
By the grace and mercy of God

But our view of life is so different
Some of us are looking at the world
From the top of the mountain
Others are staring in awe
At the universe God has made
While others are standing in a valley
wondering where the sun has gone
and why God seems so absent
We are all standing at a different place

And our past has so much to do with what we see
For some, their vision is clear as day
The mountains and valleys they've climbed
Have given them a clear view of life
For others, their vision is cloudy
Perhaps they are in the midst of a valley
Where the clouds have darkened their way
And they feel so small and insignificant
For the view from the valley is so different
From the view on the mountain
And the view from the beginning is so different
From the view at the end.

So, I wonder what it would be like
To see the world from another's eyes
Would we see our own lives differently?
Would we change what we believe?
I think we would have more compassion
For those all around us
Perhaps a bit more patience
And likely much more understanding

Some days I wish I could see the world
From another person's eyes.
So I could understand their thinking
And understand their ways
Why they believe what they do
And why I believe what I do
I think life would look so different
From another person''s eyes.

Clouds

I was reading a commentary the other day on 1 & 2 Thessalonians by Michael Holmes. In his discussion of 1 Thess. 4:17 and how we will meet up with Jesus in the clouds, he mentions that clouds symbolize God's presence throughout the Bible - the Exodus (Exod. 16:10), at Mt. Sinai (Exod. 24:16), in the desert (Num. 11:25), at Solomon's temple (1 Kings 8:10) the Transfiguration (Mark 9:7), and the Ascension (Acts 1:9).

If God's presence is symbolized by clouds and God is always with us... then when I look into the sky and see clouds, God is there. When clouds blind me in their darkness, God is with me. When I'm lost in the fog of confusion, God is there with me.

Sometimes I wonder if God isn't closest when He seems absent and silent. When we are engulfed in dark clouds, maybe we are also being engulfed by God's presence even though we may not feel it. Perhaps sometimes the clouds engulf us and blind us in order to keep us safe - for if we could see we would be overcome.

Why do I think that? Because often God seems closest the moment the clouds are lifted - that's the moment that I realize that God has been carrying me all along. That's the moment that I see that God has been working behind the clouds.

Whenever I see a cloud, I want to remember that God is with me - whether or not I feel or see Him there. The clouds symbolize his presence.

I See Jesus

Every night after a shower, I kneel down to dry the feet of Henrietta.* Then I cradle her feet in my hands as I gently rub lotion onto her legs. I look up into her eyes and see a woman struggling to accept help. Yet, she knows that she is unable to do it on her own.

As I apply lotion to her legs, I am reminded of a women who kneeled down and washed the feet of Jesus with her tears. Then she anointed Jesus with sweet perfume. As I kneel, I look up and catch of glimpse of Jesus in her face.

I am also reminded of a Man who kneeled down and washed the feet of his friends. They knew that they were dirty, yet they struggled to accept his help. At that moment, He and his friends were all in a position of submission. Jesus giving up his status and taking the posture of a servant. His friends struggling to accept his help. Yet, they knew that they were filthy and needed to be washed. They also knew that it was only with His hands that they could be made completely clean. As I kneel, I am humbled as I consider Jesus' act of service and his gentle care of the fragile and broken people He encountered.

Every night, I see Jesus. I see Jesus in the faces of the people I care for as I wash their feet. I see Jesus in my co-workers as they work to meet the needs of the fragile and broken people around us. I see Jesus as I consider how he washes me clean again and again. I see Jesus looking into my eyes and telling me that He has come to help me do what I cannot. Every night, I see Jesus.



* Not her real name.

The Entanglement of "Organization"

"The history of the Church is full of examples of those who have been caught in the entanglement of "organization" to the injury of their own spiritual life, or service."

"For example, a worker receives the Baptism [guidance] of the Spirit. God pours out blessings on souls. Meetings are crowded. God mightily works. "Machinery" then becomes necessary to "conserve the results of the blessing," and before long the Spirit-filled worker is compelled to carry on this or that work because he is committed to do so. He becomes circumstantially bound, and is no longer free to follow the leading of the Spirit."

"The Divine tide of life then slowly recedes, and finally the worker goes on, content - or not, as the case may be - with the outward and visible form of the work in his hands. This is the story of thousands of Spirit baptized servants of God who began work in the Spirit, but failed to understand how to continue in the Spirit to the end." (Evan Roberts)


How many people get burned out in the church because they feel like they can't abandon their part of the ministry? They are stuck in a ministry because there isn't anyone else to do it. Maybe we need to re-evaluate where God is leading once we find ourselves in that position. Perhaps He is leading us in a new and different way. I would hate to miss the Spirit's leading because I'm too focused on the way it's always been and the way things have worked before.


"It is also the duty of the workers in charge of any organized work to see that the spiritual life of their helpers is not sacrificed to the "work," by having so much to do in the organizational part of the Lord's service that their spiritual life has no opportunity of development or expression..." (Evan Roberts)


Hmm... How does this fit in with the role of the Church? Have we sacrificed too much of the lives of the workers (for the good of unbelievers) that it's becoming detrimental to our Church body and as a result, the Church's service to others?

More Thoughts on Church

How do we find the balance between going to church to worship God and going to have some of our own needs met? Do we look for a church that fits *our* needs and go and worship there? Or do we just need to commit to a church, worship there, and *then* find ways to have our needs met? And what if that church can't or doesn't meet our needs. Do we stay there anyway and worship God (and pray our needs will be met somehow)? Or do we start worshipping at another church and hope that one will meet our needs?

I don't want to be a person that hops from church to church. And I believe that it's possible to worship God in any church - even if you totally disagree with their theology and you don't get along with the people. It's a lot harder if you have those things to distract you. But I think worship is a choice to put everything else aside and focus on God. That can be done anywhere.

So, how do you pick a church? How do you balance your own needs? And how do you decide if you should switch churches? Or if you should commit yourself to a church body for the long haul - regardless of the current circomstance?